I am deeply affected by the words of Brene Brown, in response to a recent Oprah segment/article. She has so much to say about compassion, integrity of leading an authentic life, and most of all shame resilience. She often speaks to my soul on her blog and I am hoping to pick up her book soon. I am in a "REACH" inside mode right now and attempting to identify so many things that will hopefully bring me to a more authentic life, and healing for the many bruises that I carry with me. I am finally ready for the journey. Her entry last week made me think a lot about my body image and how the vision of a perfect self sometimes gets in my way.
This is the time of the year that so many women add dieting and modifying their weight to what they'd like to resolve to change for this year. I feel that getting fit, eating a diet that will keep a healthy body, and maintaining that over time is so important. How each woman defines what that is is different from woman to woman. I do think setting goals and making the commitment to changing what you need to is a great thing. What I want to write here today, though, is about the shame that many women carry around - myself included.
I wish instead of the images of women that we are bombarded with - you know the ones that have long legs, a perfect derriere, volumptuous curvy breasts, and perfect hair & skin - we could be shown the true varied body types and be ok with them. That we wouldn't stop and critique. The media hounds celebs that are too thin or that have gained or are overweight and smears the headlines with their lack of "perfection". That crap continues to perpetuate the awful notion that all women should be a cookie cutter of the next, and if we dare to be anything other than that, well we must be undesirable, imperfect, less than/more than, and should change ourselves to meet those standards of beauty.
I wish we could lift each other out of the misconceptions that we seem to think should define us. If that is what feminism means, than call me one. I hope we decide to look to one another and share enough to break through those transparent images. What makes you authentic, individual, and beautiful? Embrace that we can all be true to ourselves - be vulnerable, be courageous, and don't hide behind the misconceptions.
I have been underweight for my entire life and have struggled with my perception of what I should look like. It is often that I allow others' opinions of me direct my body image.
"You must be able to eat whatever you want!". Yeah, and those 4 pieces of greasy pizza, a cup of ranch dressing on what was a healthy salad, and 39 grams of sugar that are in my Coke really pay off.
"Don't you ever eat?" Never. I have 3 cups of coffee in the morning and basically pretend to eat only when people are watching. It's how I keep my teenage boyish figure. When I want to feel good about myself I eat pizza, salad, and drink Coke. (I'm being sarcastic of course!)
"You are really skinny!" Wow. I still don't understand why people think it's a good, positive thing to blurt out the obvious on someone's physical appearance.
Seriously, this would apply to anyone - insert how tall, short, big or small you are into that statement. Why can't we just say anything other than that during casual conversation? I'm sure if we tried we could get really creative.
Of course, everytime someone says something ridiculously obtuse like the above, I fall hopelessly into a path of shame. Which of course, leads to destructive food behaviors. It's a vicious cycle if I allow it be. Food behaviors are not just for those that are overweight, but those that wish to add 15 lbs. so that they can feel perfection, too. This is usually a very private battle for me and I'm ok with sharing today for some reason. I think being honest is what I can't help being and I hope by sharing my vulnerability with all that read this, I am being my authentic self - and I'm learning to embrace it.
I know I need to work on giving up that image of what I think I should be and embrace what I am. A petite woman with a powerful soul and a big heart. I've never put that into words quite like I have today. Much love to you all today. What makes you authentic, individual, and beautiful?
This is the time of the year that so many women add dieting and modifying their weight to what they'd like to resolve to change for this year. I feel that getting fit, eating a diet that will keep a healthy body, and maintaining that over time is so important. How each woman defines what that is is different from woman to woman. I do think setting goals and making the commitment to changing what you need to is a great thing. What I want to write here today, though, is about the shame that many women carry around - myself included.
I wish instead of the images of women that we are bombarded with - you know the ones that have long legs, a perfect derriere, volumptuous curvy breasts, and perfect hair & skin - we could be shown the true varied body types and be ok with them. That we wouldn't stop and critique. The media hounds celebs that are too thin or that have gained or are overweight and smears the headlines with their lack of "perfection". That crap continues to perpetuate the awful notion that all women should be a cookie cutter of the next, and if we dare to be anything other than that, well we must be undesirable, imperfect, less than/more than, and should change ourselves to meet those standards of beauty.
I wish we could lift each other out of the misconceptions that we seem to think should define us. If that is what feminism means, than call me one. I hope we decide to look to one another and share enough to break through those transparent images. What makes you authentic, individual, and beautiful? Embrace that we can all be true to ourselves - be vulnerable, be courageous, and don't hide behind the misconceptions.
I have been underweight for my entire life and have struggled with my perception of what I should look like. It is often that I allow others' opinions of me direct my body image.
"You must be able to eat whatever you want!". Yeah, and those 4 pieces of greasy pizza, a cup of ranch dressing on what was a healthy salad, and 39 grams of sugar that are in my Coke really pay off.
"Don't you ever eat?" Never. I have 3 cups of coffee in the morning and basically pretend to eat only when people are watching. It's how I keep my teenage boyish figure. When I want to feel good about myself I eat pizza, salad, and drink Coke. (I'm being sarcastic of course!)
"You are really skinny!" Wow. I still don't understand why people think it's a good, positive thing to blurt out the obvious on someone's physical appearance.
Seriously, this would apply to anyone - insert how tall, short, big or small you are into that statement. Why can't we just say anything other than that during casual conversation? I'm sure if we tried we could get really creative.
Of course, everytime someone says something ridiculously obtuse like the above, I fall hopelessly into a path of shame. Which of course, leads to destructive food behaviors. It's a vicious cycle if I allow it be. Food behaviors are not just for those that are overweight, but those that wish to add 15 lbs. so that they can feel perfection, too. This is usually a very private battle for me and I'm ok with sharing today for some reason. I think being honest is what I can't help being and I hope by sharing my vulnerability with all that read this, I am being my authentic self - and I'm learning to embrace it.
I know I need to work on giving up that image of what I think I should be and embrace what I am. A petite woman with a powerful soul and a big heart. I've never put that into words quite like I have today. Much love to you all today. What makes you authentic, individual, and beautiful?
4 comments:
I love today blog, and I think I am a better person for knowing you and loving you for just who you really are!
Catherine
I have awarded you the "Your Blog is Fabulous" award! Go to my blog and check it out.
www.francessylvia.blogspot.com
Oh Emily, you are a courageous and insightful soul. If you're ever needing a little pick-me-up, let me know, and I'll tell ya what a lovely person you are - and I don't mean how you look. Oh, and if you would like to make sweats and pony tails a requirement for our next meeting, then I am all in!
Julie
Oh, I forgot to mention what makes me beautiful... thanks for the reminder... we all need to remind ourselves every now and again, right?? This one I have worked really hard on, and continually work on getting better... when I hear someone make a negative / derogatory, smart-aleck comment about someone, I try and reply with something complimentary or positive. I despise gossip or general trash talking about people.
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