I've missed...

- You
- Blogging
- My blog's anniversary
- Everything I hold onto just for me

What the heck? Why do I not seem motivated to do what I love lately?

I am in that dark, cramped space right now and I am fighting like mad to get out.
You know where that is...between the frames and walls of life. Weaving in & out of daily patterns but not really noticing the colors or designs. I've gone from one square on the calendar to the next. *Sigh* I've missed out on taking it all in.

I've not exactly missed everything. It's just that I tried piling too much on my plate. I know I can eat a lot when I'm hungry but I feel like I've lost my appetite and I've been forced to stay at the table until I've eaten all my food.

No more! I'm declaring war on the self-deprivating acts of not noticing, not paying close attention, and just getting things done. I'm not eating all that crap anymore! I'm not staying in this small space! Anyone else ever feel this way? I don't want to give in and not take care of the responsibilities of life because that's the other side of the scale dip.

The balancing act of being a woman - a wife, mother, friend, professional, etc. is just really hard sometimes. In order to stay sane right now, I'm building weapons and I'm ready to fight. Here's parts of my plan of attack against the force of this self-deprivation:

1. Take the time to do something I enjoy EVERYDAY. In example, I'll pick from: Reading, Blogging, Scrapping, or Watching TV. It doesn't have to be for a long period of time, either. I'll allow at least 30 minutes per day.

2. Eat better so I have energy to keep up. I'm struggling with limiting my sugar intake so I am starting to trade in some treats for more healthy snacks to serve a better purpose. I love the new Delights yogurt parfaits from Yoplait. They are only 100 calories and completely satisying. Chocolate raspberry is my fave!

3. Be grateful. I am most of the time but if I'm feeling down at all - it does help to stop and try to immediately list three things I am grateful for. I try to think of things outside of my husband, my kids, and my health but those are certainly enough to make me smile! I can begin to feel the tension drain when I think of things that I adore about my life. Maybe I should start keeping a Gratitude Journal. Lots of women do this, right?

4. Let go of those perfect expectations. It's perfectly ok to expect alot from yourself, right? Of course! But to expect too much too often is not. It's ok to not be involved with every PTA event. It's ok to not agree to be there. I have been to eager to want to be a part of everything that I end up being disingenuine to myself.
I need to be better in tune with what I can handle and say no to those things that will ultimately be what takes away from me being my best.

5. Continue to celebrate who I am and throw out the idea that I shouldn't be anything but me! Why do I have periods or moments of conformity only to find out later that I'm miserable during those times? Being genuine and bringing that person to every place I'm expected to be is always better than trying to fit into others expectations of what I am. Why do I have periods or moments of insecurity? I need to just continue to embrace the person that I am because I am not like anyone else. This is not easy. It goes back to number 4, too.

I don't want to ever surrender to the dog eat dog world or allow the day to day mundane parts of my life take over the parts that bring me joy. I hate being in that dark, cramped space because I think I'm much more suited to the free, open air with lots of sunshine. So, today as I realize that I have begun to miss out...I am choosing not to any longer. I'm putting my sassy sunglasses on, pulling on my five pieces of armor and keeping my chin held high.