I am worthy NOW.

We all are. RIGHT NOW. One of my favorite blogs to visit is Brene Brown's. She has spent years studying, lecturing, teaching, and writing about shame resilience, compassion, and worthiness. I adore her and her courage to continue to speak from the heart and from the place that all women should be comfortable being in. Love her quote "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough." She's doing a week of worthiness on her blog that is so worth checking out.
http://www.ordinarycourage.com/

Her week of worthiness is about looking at those moments when we don't feel like we are enough, have done enough, etc. I have been telling myself it will all be better when but not until then.
I'll be enough I have more money.
I'll be enough when I have more friends.
I'll be enough when I am forgiven.
I'll be enough when I get that college degree.
I'll be enough I gain 10 pounds.

This is all about embracing worthiness NOW. Imperfection oozing, flaws hanging out, and with all those things being undone, untrue, without.

As some of you that know me well may already know, I have weight issues. Not the kind that I have too much, but the kind that I don't have enough. I don't have enough of me and physically I am a reminder of not being enough. This past Saturday, I was dropping my daughter off at a friend's home for a sleepover. There were a few Moms hanging out in the kitchen and as we exchanged niceities, one decided she wanted to exchange, imo, something else. "Oh, now I see why your daughter is so skinny. Look at you! It all makes sense now. I was wondering if she was being fed." Would you say any of those things to anyone? How could she have meant this as a compliment? I wouldn't chalk her comments up as confidence builders. All I could think of was she was now subjecting my daughter to it. And I hate that. I wanted to scream that my daughter is perfect just the way she is, right now. And I sort of had a light that went off and I thought, dammit, I don't want to feel this way anymore. I am sick of people commenting on my weight. Period. I am sick of those daggers being thrown that I'm not big enough, tall enough, round enough, curvy enough, blah blah blah. Why is it ok to say anything? Sometimes it's not even a personal dig as it can come from hearing discussions about movie stars - she's too thin/thick/etc. If they are saying something negative about someone that may indeed resemble my own size, my first thought is to agree and say "I'm not worthy until I weigh enough". Then I start to think, what is that number? How will I know when I get there?

I know I am worthy of acceptance. Everyone is individual and we come in all shapes and sizes. I have things that I wish I could change. I'd have thicker lips, no translucent dark lines under my eyes and bigger breasts. I could also learn to be less brash with my own comments, mail a birthday card on time, and return phone calls. But I am worthy of feeling enough today. I am worthy to feel confident when I got dressed and take on the challenges of my day. Today I have the courage to say:

I am worthy of acceptance and compassion without needing to eat an ice cream cone (or a sandwich).
I am worthy even though I ate that ice cream cone and it didn't go to my middle.
I am worthy without needing to gain 5 or 10 pounds.
I am worthy without a college degree.
I am worthy without validation from others that I am enough.
I am worthy for love.
I am worthy and enough right now.